handjob tips. give me some.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
