Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
