I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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