Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
