Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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