I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
