I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
