Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
