im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
