my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
