I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
