super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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