Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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