I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
