So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
