ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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