Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
