Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
