listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
