Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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