and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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