i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sext me about skeletons
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
