I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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