I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
