Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
