i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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