so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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