So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
