He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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