my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
