the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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