She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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