my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
