I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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