Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
