I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
