it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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