there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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