Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
