shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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