i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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