You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
