Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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