Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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