I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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