wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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