it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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