i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
