Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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