You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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