His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
