Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
