mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
