Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
