I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
