He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
