So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
