Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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