Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
