The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
