There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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