Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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